Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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