The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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