Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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