I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
