I hate your face
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
