I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
