Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
