Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
