he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
