I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
