i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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