he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
