all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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