so explain again why im purple
no
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
