bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
