She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
