I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I can't turn off my feet"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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