my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
