WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
