Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
