That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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