You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
