My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
