just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
