dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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