I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
