turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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