Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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