dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
