I am puke
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
