Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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