So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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