I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
