I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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