I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
