Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
