I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
