i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
