...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
