kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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