what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
