I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
