I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
