That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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