I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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