I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
