just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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