What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
