I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
