Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Randomize
