How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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