Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
