is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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