if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
